With one foot in the sea and one on the shore
The stretch was sustainable no more
The sea was leaving, it was time to choose
Which foot had the most to lose?

[The Voyage]1

The stretch is stretching me. Stretching me mentally and physically. It is only a thought and yet it has me in its grip. And I’m feeling bent out of shape as I ponder a reshape. The weightlessness of being in the water reassures me that any shape is possible and isn’t that half the fun of splashing about – nothing right, nothing wrong – it is all just fun.

And then the money voice speaks. “Fun? Seriously? That’s not going to pay the mortgage or put food on the table or keep you in the lifestyle you want. Being frivolous isn’t work and only work pays the bills.”

Which foot had the most to lose? What if there is no loss? What if when both feet are in the water, both profit?

The foot on the shore is becoming like Peig’s “one foot in the grave.” It has stood its ground firmly for so long I almost believe it is where I belong. But sinking in the sand isn’t making a stand. Its only making me stuck.

The foot in the sea isn’t in it all the time – only when the tide reaches it and sometimes when the tide is low it doesn’t submerge it. When the tide is low that foot also begins to sink into the sand. I won’t have both feet stuck.

Where I belong

The sea is where I belong. I’ve no doubt in my mind. I’ve been stretching to keep both feet where they are. I am weary of staying in this spot for much longer. The surroundings are becoming so familiar. It is rare that I get a glimpse of new and fresh. It is time to have both feet in or out.

Every time the tide reaches my feet, I get a chance to dip another toe in the water or dive in deeper. Sometimes I do. Am I waiting for a giant wave to sweep me out to sea and then the choice is no longer mine? That seems bizarre on so many levels. What if I drown? Or get thrown against the rocks? Or simply can’t find my bearings? And what if I’ve been stretched so much by standing still no power remains?

I’ve made the most of having one foot on the shore. That foot had legs and put in the miles. Both feet have worked well together and both of them know they are in it together. They are a team and work well in tandem. They’ve had time to get in shape, tone up and are prepared to make a splash. At times though they use their strength to stretch me in both directions.

The sea leg has been stabilising, familiarising itself with the currents and the flow. It has had a taste of the bounty the water brings. The sea leg is restless. It wants to flex its muscles and feel its power in every stroke. It wants to frolic in the sea. It wants the shore leg to venture forth and together they can cross the unknown sea.

The shore leg knows that we can only go so far without being all in, getting wet, immersing ourselves fully in the water. The shore leg is only trying to protect me from the unknown sea. But the irony of it all is the sea is not unknown as we’ve been standing here studying it for so long now. The water close to the shore is shallow and familiar.

It is time to choose.

It is time to wade into the sea, known and unknown in equal measure. When the stretch no longer needs to be maintained then we will shape and reshape ourselves to the waves as we travel with the flow of the water. Every now and then we may find ourselves on a shore. But that’s part of the fun, as there are always new lands to explore.

Always in the background, knowing my place
A self-imposed choice to save face
When I look in the mirror, I don’t see me
Just a version I think I’m supposed to be

At 52 I see I don’t know my dreams 
Always practical, responsible it seems
The reality is I live in is just that
I chose hard and sometimes flat

‘The world is your oyster,’ they say
I dream of eating them one day
By the sea where I know I belong
With my soul singing its dream song

Written on April 19th 2026

Whoever declared tears a sign of weakness
Only required to signify distress
Must never have experienced the sweetness
Of crying with pure joy or happiness

We can “Live to the point of tears ”
Tears of joy as well as tears of fears
Every day cracking open a little wider
She welcomes her soul to guide her

Can we dream, she asks, seriously
Of course we can, so easily
What’s stopped us until now
Believing tears were never how

Tears point us to the invitation
Sometimes through laughter is revelation
The body knows how to get through
Even when the mind doesn’t know what to do

Let the floodgates open
We’re not built for coping
We’re here to be ourselves in full
In all our glory, shining, not dull

When you smile, the world smiles with you
When you cry many will long to too
Go ahead you don’t need permission
You now see you only ever had to listen

You’ll never run out of tears to shed
They are limitless for the lives we tread
Instantly replenishing when they fall
A wellspring at our beck and call

Written April 20th, 2026

The urge to declutter my notebooks hit me yesterday and I spent some time mining and transcribing anything that still had life in it to a new notebook. The question: ‘What if I stopped trying to figure it out and started playing instead?’ was amongst them. Imagine my surprise when this morning I received a daily email with this question: ‘What if the thing you’ve been trying to figure out doesn’t actually need figuring out?’

What have I been trying to figure out? Not just recently but over the last six years, in particular? Who am I; what should I do in the world; what am I called to do; what’s mine to say; who wants to work with me; where will I find them; how will they find me; how will I earn income; where do I go from here?

I have the sense that there is a cosmic joke in all of this that I’m not seeing, yet.

The last six years have been a reintegration, a restoration of sorts. In Japanese tradition when pottery is cracked or broken, it is restored using the kintsugi technique to tell its story with gold, silver or platinum highlights. It is not destroyed or discarded. It is seen as even more precious now – now that it is re-storyed.

My writings, especially my poetry, keep pointing me back home, to the present moment, to the here and now, to going within, to being with what is – to being myself. I’ve frequently been carried away by my thinking, into a separate reality, fixated on making what isn’t become what is. In a way swimming against the tide, the current or upstream.

It is so much less effort to go with the flow, the current. To play in the water.

The feeling of being in the sea, frolicking in the ocean waves, is so much more inviting than the feeling of being at sea. Seeing that the wave is not separate from the ocean is a reminder that I’m not separate from life or indeed from the life that I am living. This is my life. And what brings me to life is play.

There is nothing to figure out, nothing to fix. There is a right to play and a next play to write.

You can listen above or read below

A single step I n’er did take
All so you might all awake
Seize the day and meet the world
Hugely, greatly, constantly being unfurled

A single word I n’er did speak
My presence was strong, never weak
You never met me where I was
Always searching for a because

My life was just as precious
Without the taken for granted successes
Although I’d no agency to shine
I lived each day perfectly fine

I missed you all so damn much
Longing to feel your gentle touch
I can see how much living away
Enabled you all to thrive day by day

Each time I came to stay
I only wanted you to play
I never wanted to be a burden
Just a sister, a daughter, I’m certain

And now I watch you waiting, hesitating
I’m confused as to why you aren’t seizing
The day by doing it your way
You know you want to - start today 

Written March 30th 2025. RIP Aoife Creedon 1977-2011

Be whoever you are
That’s what takes you far
You already are who you are
No need to be limited by the height of the bar
Let your (best) self meet the world
And see how your life will unfold
Live in the beautiful feeling
No need to be limited by a ceiling
Life is living through you
And is with you in all that you do
Life wants you to live fully, expand
Way more than you’ve ever planned

Written on Sept 1st 2025

I can’t not know who I am 
Sounds so simple, no scam
But how do I know who
That’s the thing, you just do
So how do I know how
The great big smile here and now
That inner giggle, inner smile
Invites me to rest here a while

The laugh is now on the outside
I feel my face cracking open wide
Like the joke is on me all along
I’m not here to fit in and yet belong

Follow my smile – it knows
And in the world that shows
All the info I want is inside
This is the space in which to reside

My smile is warm, joyful and alive
The best kept secret to help me thrive
It’s been there all along sending signs
Often through these daily rhyming lines

As I know who I am I know what to do
Never before has this felt so true
Like the wake-up call to help me begin
Lightness, love and joy help me 'start close in'

Then the question is what do I do
This makes me laugh – is that another clue?
Be myself each and every day
And allow my smile to guide the way

This is like a circular spin
That goes round and round until I listen
More slowly, more deeply, more within
That, Susan, is the only way to begin

The energy slows yet the smile remains
Living life like this can be all fun and games
And that is what you want, isn’t it
Bring your awareness to each smile visit

The memories are flowing one by one
Of laughter and joy and loads of fun
The feeling of life you want to live in
Is love the feeling of your infectious grin

People respond to the warmth in your smile
And those who don’t … well, can run a mile!
Think of the word people used for you that time
That’s right … more than one used the word sunshine

Maybe that’s what you are here for
Boldly demanding attention no one can ignore
Your wisdom, your innocence, you
Follow that smile and see what happens for you!

Written on August 30th, 2025

I love David Whyte’s poem ‘Start Close In’

“I am rooted, but I flow” 
Is an experience that I know
And a reminder to return
Each time I sense the yearn

Once re-rooted, the flow restarts
Like magical, mystical, creative arts
And what I love most about this
Is there’s no thinking – pure bliss!

These words flow out from inside
Who knows where it is they reside
Often revealing something I never knew
And yet instantly recognising it as true

And now this innate ability
Creates an expanse of possibility
For me to use it how I choose
Allowing these parts of me to fuse

In this 13-week experiment
Besides using it for my own merriment
I’ve chosen putting it in service
Of people in search of my service

This involves me selecting prompts
To connect in with people’s wants
So they see they can fulfil their desires
By going within and reigniting those dwindling fires

Written on 28.11.25. The first line is From The Waves by Virginia Woolf from the James Clear Newsletter 27.11.25

“Each of us has our own version of what we lack ”
This can stop us, derail us and keep us from our track
If we place it under a microscope the image can crack
As we realise its untrue and it’s been holding us back

The crack reveals to us something new
Well maybe not new, but absolutely true
That we are Enough in every single way
No matter what we, or others, might say

A sense of Enough comes from within
You’ll feel it inside giving you courage to begin
To take your next step, the one that’s for you
On your way to thriving in all that you do!

Written on Jan 15th, 2026. The first line of this poem is from page 19 of The Art of Enough by Becky Hall

What have you got for me this year?
Tell me please, I really want to hear!

“You’re being asked to be yourself, fully
No mincing your words or being woolly
Speaking your truth, your words and wisdom
Even when uncertain where they come from

You know you have an inner well
Each time you lower down, a swell
Of words await for you to hear
That can alleviate most any fear”

So, showing up day by day I can ask
You to reveal my very next task?

“You already know what’s yours to do
I’m here to help you follow through
Each time you ask I’ll respond
As if by magic, the wave of a wand
All the rest is up to you
I’ll never tell you exactly what to do
I’ll show you some ways, some signs
For your interpretations and refines”

I’m so grateful to have you here
And excited for this brand-new year

Written on Jan 10th 2026

The gifts you bring
Help others sing
From their heart
Freeing their art

They’re looking for you
And all that you do
Would you deny them this
Or will you spark their bliss

Sail on, sail on
Meet those who long
To ignite their souls
And fulfil their goals

Written on March 21st 2026

Today has brought tears. Well, a remarkable closeness to tears. My eyes have welled up and there is a lump in my throat. I can feel the strain of that lump in my ears, pounding gently. I’m not holding the tears back or holding them in. I’m a fan of crying. Tears can wipe so much away.

My body gets the score. My body knows. These aren’t sad tears that are trying to flow. These are tears of recognition like when Dorothy clicks her ruby slippers. This feeling is enough. This feeling is pointing to something I didn’t know and now I am not sure what to do with that. There is a crack in the illusion, my illusion, that feels bigger than I can handle. And as I type these words a quiet still voice reassuringly whispers ‘of course you can.’

I was unable to attend the call live yesterday. I’ve just listened to the recording and after he talked about the posts he read out, something hit me so deep. It was like a revelation. He mentioned:

‘A bunch of people delighting in meeting themselves, in getting to know themselves as they are.’ ‘We feel like we lost our mojo because we lost touch with ourselves.’ ‘You never went anywhere. You are still as you as the day you were born.’

Was I delighting in meeting myself, in getting to know myself as I am? Have I lost touch with myself?

And still my ears are pounding. Now my heart is beating more quickly. It almost feels as if I’m going to internally combust. Maybe all the leashes are on fire. If they all burn down at once, will I even recognise who I am? Well luckily, I’m the same me I’ve always been…

All the efforting I’ve been doing for the last number of years comes up, in a sort of existential dread crossed with beautiful wonder. And I know that isn’t the direction to go. I don’t need to think more thoughts about that, the what ifs. What is, is. I am where I am.

And as I write those words a little smile begins to form. The pounding retreats. My heart rate is still a little quick, more from excitement than anxiousness. A thought arrived ‘I don’t know who I am.’ And this was almost immediately followed with a ‘yes you do, you’re you.’

I thought I was living my life, my way. What I’ve been doing is tuning in to the wanting to live my life my way. Today feels like one small step (or one giant leap) along my yellow brick road.

Words Go Wild

I’m letting my words go wild in the world
Years on my laptop, finally being unfurled
They’re finding their way to people’s ears
Maybe even comforting doubts and fears

It makes me smile and just goes to show
That turning on that tap and letting words flow
Was something that I simply knew to do
A testament to ‘to thine self be true’

The real magic, for me, in these lines
Is how, without effort, they create rhymes
No trying, no forcing, no figuring it out
Just my hand, pen and paper – not even my mouth!

When I begin, I never know what’ll surface
What my inner world wishes to profess
And magically when I do have a clue
The words and lines give me what to do.

Written: 28/01/2026

Remembering Your Truth

Do you know the truth of who you are?
For if you do, you will travel far
You’ve always known it in some way
Yet when I ask now are you able to say?

Throughout the years many layers have been piled
Over the innocence and joy, you felt as a child
Moving you further away from your essence
Distracting you from you and your true presence

It’s never too late to return back home
The fatted calf remains for you alone
Once you’ve feasted on your inner knowing
Your consciousness will expand and keep growing

You’ll still question your right to live as You
Think you need permission or there’s other things to do
But you being You brings intelligence to life
And things flow with ease thereby reducing any strife

Written: 12th Feb ‘26

In Service Of

No more self-help projects
No more inner focused directs
From here on we write in service of
A more harmonious world built on love

This isn’t pie in the sky thinking
It’s a way to keep people from shrinking
Their own experience of life
By creating inner turmoil and strife

Once people see their own way through
There is no telling what they’ll do
Let’s hope that they lead from presence
With their unique gifts, their essence

Written: 02.03.2026

Inner Fizz

My energy is here and knows what to do.
I sense in my bones that this line is true
What’s next for me is to attune to this
Leap, dance and bubble up with inner fizz

The buoyancy is alive now and pointing to
My accumulated wisdom and all I’ve been through
I am enough and I know that to be true
With all of this is there anything I can’t do?!

The temptation is to skip a few steps ahead
This doesn’t serve. Instead, I’m willing to be lead
By life taking my hand and showing me what’s next
Revealed through my rhyming lines – in text. 

I’ve always suspected that this is the case
Yet let all the other “priorities” erase
The time to really enter in the flow
And see exactly where I’m made to go

As I sit and write these lines here and now
I feel a connection, a knowing somehow
To something deeper being at work
That’ll no longer be required to lurk

I feel a strength rising to be surfaced
My breath deepens in anticipation of a harvest
My own natural energy yield is ready to grow
To participate fully and free the flow

A tiny explosion echoes through my head
A revolution familiar thoughts dread
Leaving room for laughter to explore
Knowing, yes knowing, there is so much more

Written: 02.02.26

My Own Gaoler

I feel the tension in my head
Maybe it’s time to go to bed
Or maybe it’s a signal to return home
To rest a while and leave well enough alone

As Thought plays me like a fool
Each day introducing another rule
I realise I’ve become my own gaoler
Abiding by the rules. I obey her

When we separate Thought from the noise
We see the world through fresh eyes
The shackles drop and tensions melt
No longer bound by the Thoughts being felt

Written: March 1st 2026

Clear Blue Sky

I’m listening to what’s falling from the clear blue sky
Into my lap, made for me; oh, what a joy!
As my awareness expands into this field
There’s an uplift in my own natural energy yield

I catch the whispers of those who’ve gone before
Moving beyond my mind, so often hard to ignore
Anything to bring me back to familiar ground
Keeping me safe, fearful of the profound

Yet this beautiful feeling begins to rise
So, I might see the world through different eyes
As I do magnificence comes into view
And a knowingness of my dreams coming through (true?!)

Written: 02.02.2026

Why isn’t poetry all the rage?
Sitting down to write
I never know what might
Be revealed upon the page
Why isn’t poetry all the rage?

It’s the easiest way I know
To get into creative flow
A next step becomes clear
Or I see through another fear

The simplicity of rhythm and rhyme
Brings me solace every time
My mind gets ‘oh so quiet’
When I’m sitting down to write

Written: 20th March ‘26 (for World Poetry Day)

What’s CrossFit got to do with it?

It was a 6.30am class on a Friday morning and we were practicing handstands. I didn’t really want to do them. There was a group of us together, the early risers. The thing I love most about CrossFit is if you haven’t mastered a movement the coaches will find an alternative that works the same muscles. This particular morning the coach offered to help me with the handstand. I reluctantly agreed. Next thing I know I am doing a handstand, and the coach is holding my ankles. I felt uneasy, a bit anxious. I asked to be let down and much to my surprise, the surprise of my coach and the others in the group, I burst into tears.

What the hell? I was in the dark. Whatever about not wanting to do a handstand or not enjoying the attempt, I couldn’t account for being in tears. The next morning, I returned to CrossFit determined not to let that experience dissuade me from CrossFit. CrossFit is meaningful to me. And I had never felt uneasy like that in a class before, but I didn’t want the association to lock in. Luckily there were no handstands. However, I couldn’t get what had happened out of my head. I couldn’t understand why it had happened or I couldn’t explain my reaction.

During my next visit with Steve1, I recounted that incident. And he said to me, ‘Without thinking tell me when you last felt like that’. And suddenly I was transported to a scene that had occurred over a decade earlier. I was upside down in a Toyota Hilux pick-up that had overturned twice on the road somewhere between Kampala and Queen Elizabeth Park in Uganda. The data from our senses isn’t always accurate. This was another prediction error.

Our experiences matter

This why many of us will react so differently to the same thing and why doing a handstand put me into a spin while everyone else looked at me strangely. A handstand for them was safe, fun even. It might be a bit weird and challenge their proprioceptive senses but our brains like challenge, novelty and new experiences. Being upside down feels unnatural, proprioceptively, unless of course you’ve had lots of practice.

But instead of embracing the novelty my brain was fixated on what happened the last time I was in this situation when my body was in this state. The state was influenced by the situation and the only account I had was I felt a sense of panic at doing a handstand.

I still go to CrossFit; it has value in my life. It is meaningful to me. I love the variety of movements. I love expanding my comfort zone by being challenged and challenging myself to lift heavier weights or improve a gymnastic routine or simply connecting to my body and feeling the power of my strength.

Two classes are rarely the same so I’m also adding to my experiences and increasing my predictive ability. My maximum deadlift, to date, is 88kg (194lbs). I vividly remember when I first lifted 85kg (187lbs). I felt so exhilarated as I smashed my previous personal best. I walked home from CrossFit that day smiling widely and feeling 6 foot tall. Sometimes when I need a boost, I remind myself of that experience and it helps me find courage or inner strength. It reminds me that I am capable and that I can do things I never thought I could. I still have absolutely no desire to do a handstand but now it is a choice more than a fear.

What I’m noticing now

When I re-read this story this week, I saw something new. I could see the anxiety wasn’t coming from the handstand or the accident in Uganda - it arose from the meaning my mind made in that moment. Even the deadlift memory showed me the same pattern: I don’t need to borrow a boost of strength from the past to find courage in the moment.